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Was I Just ‘Zombified’?

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The world of dating apps has brought with it a whole host of terminology to describe all the terrible ways we treat the strangers we meet in our online quests for love.

There are certain boys who believe they have the freedom to walk in and out of your life at any point that they choose. They will text you, flirt with you, and make you feel like there is something special — only to dissipate into thin air.

The first step is not admitting it….

At first, you start to notice the communication gets quieter and quieter.

Then you start creating ridiculous scenarios; “It’s fine, his phone broke while he was at work or something.” Or “I’m sure he got lost at the zoo looking for his phone again.” So, for the next three months you’ll give him the benefit of the doubt.

Secretly knowing he’s just ditched out on you and moved on. You overanalyze everything you said and did. You stay up late at night, wondering if he is happy. You wish that you had some sort of closure, some sort of reason why they went away. You struggle to hold yourself back from texting them because you finally realized he’s probably not going to text you back.

It takes some time, but you get over them. You get your fine self back out into the world like the independent woman are! You will slowly start to forget about them, right?

You’re moving on, trying new things – you take up dark Voodoo magic, pole dance fitness classes, and building extreme tree houses to finish your tub of ice cream in whilst alone, again.

Your friends start getting tired of hearing you say “Why can’t you understand I’m just happy being alone, okay?” Only because they know that’s not how you feel, it’s obvious, Sweetie.

You’ve officially been ‘Zombified’ at this point.

Little do you know, they are not out of your life yet. They are only hibernating… Lurking in the dark shadows of your insecurities and daddy-issues.

BOOM! After six months, he finally gets back from his hiatus with a casual, “Hey.” Like nothing was ever wrong- pretending you haven’t been doubting your existence, life choices, and/or bliss for life.

In their opening message, they’ll NEVER apologize. They won’t justify their actions or tell you why they’ve been gone for so long.

Even if you question them about where they disappeared to, they’ll come up with counterfeit excuses about how they were too busy, or how they were going through a lot, or how their phone was eaten by a Megalodon when he was lost at the zoo (again). They’ll do whatever they can to reel you back in.

This technique – being zombified – can be even worse than being ghosted, because you never have the chance to get over the person. Every time you’ve tried to convince yourself they’re dead to you, they resurrect themselves from the deep, repressed thoughts you were trying to exterminate. And the second you fall for them again, they pull their disappearing act like they were made for it.

They make it impossible to get over them — and impossible to get with them.

Being that this is 2017; that this is the time of independence and strength – no woman or man or however you decide to identify yourself today – should put up with this. Send them a cute gif of ‘the Bird’ and block that number, Baby!

Ain’t nobody got the time for that.

Comments (1)

I hate when my phone gets eaten by a Megalodon 🙁

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